About Ever Changing River, LLC

Our programs give you empowering knowledge about the separation and divorce process, so you can make better choices.

Kids are Not Confidants – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

The following post was submitted by Kathy Teeple, M.A.  Overburdening your children with every detail about your divorce process is not helping them.  Read “Kids are Not Confidants” to learn more about helping children cope with divorce.

Kids Are Not Confidants

By Kathy L. Teeple, M.A.

There’s an old phrase “misery loves company” and it’s true … when you’re miserable you want to share it with others.  I know when I’m feeling down the thing I crave the most is someone with whom I can whine and complain … I want someone to take my side, pat my hand and agree that things are awful.   And when my whining is justified it makes things better.

When you separate you are given the biggest ticket out there to unlimited whining, and it’s justified.  You can gather your friends and they will all agree that life is not fair, you deserve better, and, yes, your spouse is the biggest jerk in the world.  Friends are great when going through a separation and a divorce.  They lift your spirits, they give you encouragement, and they listen without judgment.  But your friends have their own lives and they are not always available at a moment’s notice.  Plus, as your separation drags on you simply don’t want to constantly call your friends and burden them with your misery.  So you turn to the next best thing … your children.  Oh, this is a bad idea on so many levels, but it is a common occurrence.

Kids are an easy target for complaints during separation and divorce.  They’re easily accessible and they’re often a captive audience.  Sometimes complaining to them happens quite by accident.  You are overwhelmed by the circumstances and you lash out.  Perhaps you’ve just spoken to your estranged spouse and need somewhere to unload your anger or frustration.  It’s so easy to turn to your child and say “Your mom/dad is such a jerk.  S/He’s refusing …”

Sometimes a parent will use the misguided idea of “truth” to justify his/her confidences to a child.  I’ve worked with parents who tell me that they have never lied to their child and won’t begin now.  While that’s a noble idea, it isn’t a necessarily a great idea in separation.  It is too easy to confide too much in a child and overwhelm them.  Additionally, the “truth” you are telling is based on your perception of the situation.  Your spouse has another perception entirely.  If both of you are confiding your perceptions of the “truth” the children can easily become confused.

While some parents confide in their children on an occasional/accidental basis, others do it in a calculated manner that is designed to sway the children to their “side.”  This is a dangerous practice.  Children view both parents as a source of security.  If one parent is constantly berating or degrading the other parent that undermines the child’s sense of security.  In the short term a child may side with one parent over the other, but over time the child may begin to resent the parent’s berating of the other parent.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce

Information can be a good thing, but children may feel overburdened with too much information about your separation and divorce.  Children naturally worry when their parents separate. If you are using your child as your sounding board you are adding to their worry.  Children need to know the basics about separation and divorce; they need to know they are loved and that while things may be different, they will be okay.  Children don’t need to know every detail of your separation.  They don’t need to know your every concern, and they certainly don’t need to know your fears for the future.

It is natural to want to share your pain and fears with others, but choose carefully.  Children don’t need to know the specifics of your separation; they don’t need to know “where the bodies are hidden.”  They need to know that they a loved by both parents.

Ever Changing River, LLC educates individuals about the divorce process through online videos.  Currently offering limited-time introductory pricing at a 73% savings.  Read more at Why Join River BaNCTM.  

DISCLAIMER:  The information provided on Ever Changing River, LLC website, or at any Ever Changing River, LLC program, is not legal, financial, medical, therapeutic, counseling, mediation, coaching, real estate or mortgage advice.  No attorney/client, doctor/patient, or other relationship is formed through this website or through Ever Changing River, LLC programs.  Ever Changing River, LLC is not a referral service.  Any advertisement on this website, or at any Ever Changing River, LLC program, or in any Ever Changing River, LLC publication, does not in any way constitute a referral or endorsement by Ever Changing River, LLC. 

 

 

Fear, uncertainty and discomfort…three partners in divorce. Instead, try coping with divorce and triumphing!

“Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.”

Author Unknown

Individuals facing separation and divorce often have terrible, painful bouts of fear, uncertainty and discomfort.  It feels awful.  It is only afterwards, as time has passed and you are able to gain a fresh perspective on your journey, that you realize the unexpected gift life has given you, the gift of personal growth and joy.

Coping with Divorce and Triumphing!

I have had the pleasure of seeing this in action many times at our River Chat™ divorce support group.  We will often have people drop in at the beginning of the divorce process, when their feelings are raw, their longing for things to be better palpable, their deep unhappiness evident.  The group helps by listening and offering suggestions where appropriate…but mostly listening.  Just listening.  It feels wonderful for us to be heard!  It can be our first step toward recovery.

One memorable incident was when a young man who was originally in this raw state returned to the group after being absent for a number of months.  He was completely changed, a wonderful example of coping with divorce and triumphing.  He had been seeing a therapist and working on himself, not his partner.  In the end, the only person we can change is ourselves and our perspective, our choices.

He shared that for months he kept thinking it would just take a moment for his partner to change her mind and come back to the marriage.  In the end, he realized it only took him a moment to change his perspective and realize he would be 100% okay whether she came back or not.  If she did, fine.  If she did not, also fine.  The change in this young man was remarkable!  He was excited about life and full of joy again.  And this is the part I love — by sharing his new perspective he was able to help our other members of our group who were still in that raw, painful state.

Am I saying everyone will change overnight and be instantly happy again?  No.  I am saying that this period of fear, uncertainty and discomfort in our lives brought about by separation and divorce can also serve a life-altering purpose.  It can be a time of introspection where you can work on your own personal short-comings.  Sorry if you’re not ready to hear this:  I don’t even know you, but I do know you are not perfect and you have short-comings.  You are human.

I believe as we continue to have the privilege of walking this earth we are meant to always strive to become better human beings.  It is difficult.  The reward can be electrifying.  It was electrifying for this young man.  He now faces his future with a better sense of self, less fear and a healthy excitement about life’s uncertainty.  Yes, life will always have uncertainties.  And that can be sooooooo thrilling, instead of bone-crunchingly terrifying.

Life can be exciting, fulfilling and hopeful if you do the work within yourself.

Tip for today:  If you are facing separation or divorce, find a therapist, life coach or divorce coach to help you navigate this portion of your ever changing river of life.  You will know you are successful when you can once again hear your river clap its hands in delight!!  Dappled sunshine can be part of your life again!

Ever Changing River, LLC is an online divorce process educational resource.  Your future matters.  Our professional divorce directory introduces you to divorce attorneys, CDFAs, mediators, financial advisors and other professionals.  Our River BaNC™ subscription membership offers you instant access to divorce educational videos to help you better understand the divorce process.  Knowledge equals better choices.  You are not alone.  Visit our website and browse our resources.

Voyage of Discovery As Seen Through Your New Eyes

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
– Marcel Proust

So many times we look at our problems, our challenges, the same way, with the same “eyes,” over and over and over. And yet we are surprised when we see the same results.

Instead, why not take a real voyage of discovery by trying a different perspective, seeing the situation with new eyes?

  • If you always look at something only from your point of view, instead try looking at it from “their” point of view.
  • Or, regardless of who “wins”, what does “success” look like for you? If your goal is to truly be able to move on from a bad situation, “winning” in the traditional sense often does not equal “success.”
  • Conversely, what does “failure” look like?  Maybe you get exactly what you are asking for, but what is the cost to you? to your family?  20 years from now will you consider this a success or a failure?  Hmmmm….

What do you see on your voyage of discovery with your new eyes? A possible solution?!! A powerful path forward? Try out your “new eyes” the next time you work on a life challenge and see what wonders you can discover!!!

If you are interested in life coaching, please contact us at info@EverChangingRiver.com.  We offer a free introductory session.

How do I get a divorce in Virginia? Jan 15, learn the legal aspects from a family law attorney in Ashburn, VA

Registration Link to Focus on Law, Jan 15, 2013

If you are facing separation or divorce in Virginia, join us Tuesday, January 15th, in Ashburn, VA to learn about the legal aspects of divorce from family law attorney Robert C. Eustice, Esq., who practices family law in Virginia, Maryland and the District of Columbia.

Link to complete details.

When:    Tuesday, Jan 15, Focus on Law

                Legal Aspects of Separation and Divorce in Virginia

                Plus an update on the real estate market

                6:30 to 8:00 PM

Where:  Ashburn Long and Foster Realtors Training Room

43490 Yukon Drive, Suite # 205

Ashburn, VA   20147

Cost:     $15/pre-registered; $20/door (or free for members*)

Registration Link to Focus on Law, Jan 15, 2013

 

Jan 22, Focus on ME, Separation and Divorce Support Group, Ashburn, VA

Visit our website for more information on all of our programs.

Gain knowledge and support.  Be proactive and protect your future.

Save time and money by attending multiple Focus Groups.  Speak with the professionals.

Typically each month Ever Changing River, LLC presents three Focus Groups – one each concentrating on the emotional, financial and legal aspects of separation and divorce.  You do not need to go through this process alone.  And if it is overwhelming for you right now, consider asking a friend to attend with you.  Let us know ahead of time, and your friend can attend with you at no cost.

When:    Tues, Jan 22, Focus on Me

                  Support group, open topic, led by therapist

                  6:30 to 8:00 PM

Where:  Long and Foster Realtors

43490 Yukon Drive, Suite 205

Ashburn, VA   20147

Cost:     $15/pre-registered; $20/door (or free for members*)

Scholarships available.

Registration Link for Focus on ME, Jan 22

Focus on ME:  Our monthly groups are “open topic” support groups facilitated by a therapist or coach.  This month we are led by Rona Hitlin-Mason, LPC, a therapist practicing in Herndon, Virgina.  See her bio below.

You do not need to go through a difficult time like separation and divorce by yourself.  Are you anxious or depressed about a possible separation or divorce?  Are you having difficulty communicating with your spouse, or former spouse?  Are the children having challenges in their lives?  Are you showing signs of anxiety or depression?  Or maybe you’re already divorced, and have lingering challenges.  Maybe you just want to better understand the emotional stages of separation and divorce.  Bring your questions, challenges, doubts and concerns, and let’s tackle them together.  No matter what stage you are at in this process, there is help.  Emotions are not linear…and neither is success.  Join us, and let’s talk it over.

This month’s therapist:  Rona Hitlin-Mason, LPC also holds Masters degrees in Counseling and Development and Accounting, and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She strongly believes that you have the strength and skills to weather this transition in your life.  And she finds it an honor to accompany people on their journey to self-acceptance and relief of symptoms.  

* Focus Groups Membership Package:  $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period.  Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge.  We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce. 


Disclaimer Focus Groups, River Chat, River BaNC and all other Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

 

What others are saying:

“I learned so much.  I feel better about my situation, knowing that I am not alone.”

I will absolutely recommend this program.”

“Empowering!”

“What a great workshop format for individuals who are trying to educate themselves on the various aspects of separating and/or divorce.  The environment was awesome, and a really great selection of presenters.”

Jan 17, Focus on Mediation Aspects of Separation and Divorce, Ashburn, VA

Visit our website for more information on all of our programs.

Gain knowledge and support.  Be proactive and protect your future.

Save time and money by attending multiple Focus Groups.  Speak with the professionals.

Typically each month Ever Changing River, LLC presents three Focus Groups – one each concentrating on the emotional, financial and legal aspects of separation and divorce.  You do not need to go through this process alone.  And if it is overwhelming for you right now, consider asking a friend to attend with you.  Let us know ahead of time, and your friend can attend with you at no cost.

 

When:    Thursday, Jan 17, Focus on Mediation

                  Mediation Aspects of Separation and Divorce in Virginia

                  Plus a very quick update on the real estate market

                 6:30 to 8:00 PM

Where:  Ashburn Long and Foster Realtors Training Room

43490 Yukon Drive, Suite # 205

Ashburn, VA   20147

Cost:     $15/pre-registered; $20/door (or free for members*)

Link to Register for Focus on Mediation, Jan 17

FAMILY MEDIATION ASPECTS:

Daniel R. Burk, CDFA, is President of Resolution Point, LLC, a company that provides mediation, arbitration, resolution consultation and group facilitation services.  He is also a Family Mediator at Northern Virginia Mediation Service.  Mr. Burk serves the Loudoun, Fairfax, Alexandria and Arlington areas.  Danny Burk is an attorney licensed by the Commonwealth of Virginia since 1981 and the District of Columbia since 1984.  He is a Virginia Supreme Court certified mediator. Danny is also a CDFA, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.  Mr. Burk will talk about family mediation — what the process is, how it works, what is involved.

 

REAL ESTATE ASPECTS:

Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in 1983.  Pam will answer any quick questions on the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.


* Focus Groups Membership Package:  $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period.  Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge.  We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.  

 

Disclaimer Focus Groups, River Chat, River BaNC and all other Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

 

What others are saying:

“I learned so much.  I feel better about my situation, knowing that I am not alone.”

I will absolutely recommend this program.”

“Empowering!”

“What a great workshop format for individuals who are trying to educate themselves on the various aspects of separating and/or divorce.  The environment was awesome, and a really great selection of presenters.”

Tues, Nov 20th, Focus on LAW, 6:30-8 PM, Ashburn, VA

Visit our website for more information on all of our programs. 

Link to pre-register.

Gain knowledge and support. Be proactive and protect your future.

Save time and money by attending multiple Focus Groups. Speak with the professionals.

Typically each month Ever Changing River, LLC presents three Focus Groups – one each concentrating on the emotional, financial and legal aspects of separation and divorce. You do not need to go through this process alone. And if it is overwhelming for you right now, consider asking a friend to attend with you. Let us know ahead of time, and your friend can attend with you at no cost.

When: Tuesday, Nov 20, Focus on Law

Legal Aspects of Separation and Divorce in Virginia

Plus an update on the real estate market

6:30 to 8:00 PM

Where: Ashburn Long and Foster Realtors Training Room

43490 Yukon Drive, Suite # 205

Ashburn, VA 20147

Cost: $15/pre-registered; $20/door (or free for members*)

LEGAL ASPECTS:

Christine Mougin-Boal, Esquire, an attorney practicing family law, will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, equitable property distribution, and custody and support guidelines.

REAL ESTATE ASPECTS:

Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in 1983. Pam wil give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about. She will answer your real estate questions.

* Focus Groups Membership Package: $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period. Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge. We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.

Disclaimer: Focus Groups, River Chat, River BaNC and all other Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling. You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

What others are saying:

“I learned so much. I feel better about my situation, knowing that I am not alone.”

“I will absolutely recommend this program.”

“Empowering!”

“What a great workshop format for individuals who are trying to educate themselves on the various aspects of separating and/or divorce. The environment was awesome, and a really great selection of presenters.”

Edison didn’t give up….and don’t you, either!

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas A. Edison

This is one of my favorite quotes. We all see it repeated, in hindsight, over and over. Not today!! Not for you! Don’t give up!

If you need help through separation and divorce, please visit our website. We offer education and support throughout the process.

We are also life coaches…and yes, sometimes divorce coaches. We have a course starting in January 2013 — Hope and a 5 Year Plan. If you feel something is missing in your life, and would like to explore the tremendous opportunities ahead of you in a group setting, please email us at info@everchangingriver.com for details about our five-week series. You can change your life…if you don’t give up!

Focus on Money – Sat, Nov 17th, 9-10:30 AM, Your Guide to Achieving Financial Goals Ever Changing River, LLC, Leesburg, VA

Visit our website for more information on all of our programs.

Gain knowledge and support.  Be proactive and protect your future.

Save time and money by attending multiple Focus Groups.  Speak with the professionals.

Typically each month Ever Changing River, LLC presents three Focus Groups – one each concentrating on the emotional, financial and legal aspects of separation and divorce.  You do not need to go through this process alone.  And if it is overwhelming for you right now, consider asking a friend to attend with you.  They can attend at no cost.   Simply have them register as “guest.”

When:    Saturday, Nov 17, Focus on Money

                Your Guide to Achieving Financial Goals

                Module:  Financial Aspects of Separation and Divorce

                9:00 to 10:30 AM

Where:  Offices of Linda Black, ChFC, CRPC

202 Church Street

Leesburg, VA   20175

Cost: $15/pre-registered; $20/door (and free for Focus Group members of Ever Changing River, LLC*).  Scholarships available.

Registration Link (on Eventbrite)

Linda J. Black, ChFC, CRPC, in this module will be your guide as you learn to set financial goals, which is fundamental to your financial planning process whether you are a new professional, a mid-life or retiring professional, or if you are considering separation or divorce. Setting your financial goals puts you in charge of your money and your life.
This process does not need to be complicated, tedious or long, but it is a great gauging tool to ensure you are on the right track.  In this seminar you will learn how to determine feasibility, prioritize multiple goals, and discuss methods to accomplish your goals within reasonable time frames.

Linda will also address other financial questions you may have as time permits.
Linda J. Black is a Financial Advisor with LifeMark Securities Corp.  She has worked in the financial services industry for over 12 years and has earned her Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC) and Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC) designations.  Her practice is focused on financial planning and retirement income solutions for women.  Linda helps her clients make financial decisions based on where they want to go next.  She fully subscribes to a transformational approach to financial planning as opposed to a transactional one.  Linda is licensed in Virginia and Maryland.


* Focus Groups Membership Package:  $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period.  Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge.  We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.  

 

Disclaimer Focus Groups, River Chat, River BaNC and all other Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

 

What others are saying:

“I learned so much.  I feel better about my situation, knowing that I am not alone.”

I will absolutely recommend this program.”

“Empowering!”

“What a great workshop format for individuals who are trying to educate themselves on the various aspects of separating and/or divorce.  The environment was awesome, and a really great selection of presenters.”

Focus on LAW, a Separation and Divorce Workshop, Law and Real Estate, Wed., Oct 24, 6:30-8PM, Ashburn, VA

FOCUS ON LAW: Wednesday, OCTOBER 24, 6:30-8 PM
How do I get a divorce? Legal aspects to consider.
Long & Foster
43490 Yukon Drive, Room 205
Ashburn, VA 20147
Cost: $15 (or free for members*)

Link to register:  Focus on LAW                 Link to register:  All Focus Groups

Do you have questions about the legal aspects of divorce, including how to get a divorce, the legal process, distribution of property, custody and support guidelines? If so, join us. Ryan Schmalzle, Esq., family law attorney, will lead this session. Pam Jones of Long and Foster will also give an overview of the real estate market, which is constantly changing.

Focus on Legal: Ryan M. Schmalzle, Esquire, with Whitbeck & Cisneros, P.C., is an experienced family law attorney who regularly practices in Northern Virginia. His firm follows the philosophy that while it is always preferable to resolve family law matters outside the courtroom, attorneys must always be prepared to aggressively litigate family matters in court if a client’s particular needs call for such services.

Mr. Schmalzle will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, equitable property distribution, and custody and support guidelines.

Real estate is a part of the Focus on Legal session. Here are the details:

Real Estate: Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, Pamela Jones, Inc., Long and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in1983. Her dedication to her clients makes her a top Loudoun County agent. Pam has excellent business sense, detailed knowledge of the local market, and outstanding negotiating skills. Pam will give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.

* Focus Groups Membership Package: $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period. Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge. We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.

Link to Purchase Membership Package (link expires Oct 31, 2012)

Or, simply click the membership category when you register online. Email info@EverChangingRiver.com with questions.