“Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.”
Individuals facing separation and divorce often have terrible, painful bouts of fear, uncertainty and discomfort. It feels awful. It is only afterwards, as time has passed and you are able to gain a fresh perspective on your journey, that you realize the unexpected gift life has given you, the gift of personal growth and joy.
Coping with Divorce and Triumphing!
I have had the pleasure of seeing this in action many times at our River Chat™ divorce support group. We will often have people drop in at the beginning of the divorce process, when their feelings are raw, their longing for things to be better palpable, their deep unhappiness evident. The group helps by listening and offering suggestions where appropriate…but mostly listening. Just listening. It feels wonderful for us to be heard! It can be our first step toward recovery.
One memorable incident was when a young man who was originally in this raw state returned to the group after being absent for a number of months. He was completely changed, a wonderful example of coping with divorce and triumphing. He had been seeing a therapist and working on himself, not his partner. In the end, the only person we can change is ourselves and our perspective, our choices.
He shared that for months he kept thinking it would just take a moment for his partner to change her mind and come back to the marriage. In the end, he realized it only took him a moment to change his perspective and realize he would be 100% okay whether she came back or not. If she did, fine. If she did not, also fine. The change in this young man was remarkable! He was excited about life and full of joy again. And this is the part I love — by sharing his new perspective he was able to help our other members of our group who were still in that raw, painful state.
Am I saying everyone will change overnight and be instantly happy again? No. I am saying that this period of fear, uncertainty and discomfort in our lives brought about by separation and divorce can also serve a life-altering purpose. It can be a time of introspection where you can work on your own personal short-comings. Sorry if you’re not ready to hear this: I don’t even know you, but I do know you are not perfect and you have short-comings. You are human.
I believe as we continue to have the privilege of walking this earth we are meant to always strive to become better human beings. It is difficult. The reward can be electrifying. It was electrifying for this young man. He now faces his future with a better sense of self, less fear and a healthy excitement about life’s uncertainty. Yes, life will always have uncertainties. And that can be sooooooo thrilling, instead of bone-crunchingly terrifying.
Life can be exciting, fulfilling and hopeful if you do the work within yourself.
Tip for today: If you are facing separation or divorce, find a therapist, life coach or divorce coach to help you navigate this portion of your ever changing river of life. You will know you are successful when you can once again hear your river clap its hands in delight!! Dappled sunshine can be part of your life again!
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