Fear, uncertainty and discomfort…three partners in divorce. Instead, try coping with divorce and triumphing!

“Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.”

Author Unknown

Individuals facing separation and divorce often have terrible, painful bouts of fear, uncertainty and discomfort.  It feels awful.  It is only afterwards, as time has passed and you are able to gain a fresh perspective on your journey, that you realize the unexpected gift life has given you, the gift of personal growth and joy.

Coping with Divorce and Triumphing!

I have had the pleasure of seeing this in action many times at our River Chat™ divorce support group.  We will often have people drop in at the beginning of the divorce process, when their feelings are raw, their longing for things to be better palpable, their deep unhappiness evident.  The group helps by listening and offering suggestions where appropriate…but mostly listening.  Just listening.  It feels wonderful for us to be heard!  It can be our first step toward recovery.

One memorable incident was when a young man who was originally in this raw state returned to the group after being absent for a number of months.  He was completely changed, a wonderful example of coping with divorce and triumphing.  He had been seeing a therapist and working on himself, not his partner.  In the end, the only person we can change is ourselves and our perspective, our choices.

He shared that for months he kept thinking it would just take a moment for his partner to change her mind and come back to the marriage.  In the end, he realized it only took him a moment to change his perspective and realize he would be 100% okay whether she came back or not.  If she did, fine.  If she did not, also fine.  The change in this young man was remarkable!  He was excited about life and full of joy again.  And this is the part I love — by sharing his new perspective he was able to help our other members of our group who were still in that raw, painful state.

Am I saying everyone will change overnight and be instantly happy again?  No.  I am saying that this period of fear, uncertainty and discomfort in our lives brought about by separation and divorce can also serve a life-altering purpose.  It can be a time of introspection where you can work on your own personal short-comings.  Sorry if you’re not ready to hear this:  I don’t even know you, but I do know you are not perfect and you have short-comings.  You are human.

I believe as we continue to have the privilege of walking this earth we are meant to always strive to become better human beings.  It is difficult.  The reward can be electrifying.  It was electrifying for this young man.  He now faces his future with a better sense of self, less fear and a healthy excitement about life’s uncertainty.  Yes, life will always have uncertainties.  And that can be sooooooo thrilling, instead of bone-crunchingly terrifying.

Life can be exciting, fulfilling and hopeful if you do the work within yourself.

Tip for today:  If you are facing separation or divorce, find a therapist, life coach or divorce coach to help you navigate this portion of your ever changing river of life.  You will know you are successful when you can once again hear your river clap its hands in delight!!  Dappled sunshine can be part of your life again!

Ever Changing River, LLC is an online divorce process educational resource.  Your future matters.  Our professional divorce directory introduces you to divorce attorneys, CDFAs, mediators, financial advisors and other professionals.  Our River BaNC™ subscription membership offers you instant access to divorce educational videos to help you better understand the divorce process.  Knowledge equals better choices.  You are not alone.  Visit our website and browse our resources.

Voyage of Discovery As Seen Through Your New Eyes

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
– Marcel Proust

So many times we look at our problems, our challenges, the same way, with the same “eyes,” over and over and over. And yet we are surprised when we see the same results.

Instead, why not take a real voyage of discovery by trying a different perspective, seeing the situation with new eyes?

  • If you always look at something only from your point of view, instead try looking at it from “their” point of view.
  • Or, regardless of who “wins”, what does “success” look like for you? If your goal is to truly be able to move on from a bad situation, “winning” in the traditional sense often does not equal “success.”
  • Conversely, what does “failure” look like?  Maybe you get exactly what you are asking for, but what is the cost to you? to your family?  20 years from now will you consider this a success or a failure?  Hmmmm….

What do you see on your voyage of discovery with your new eyes? A possible solution?!! A powerful path forward? Try out your “new eyes” the next time you work on a life challenge and see what wonders you can discover!!!

If you are interested in life coaching, please contact us at info@EverChangingRiver.com.  We offer a free introductory session.

Forgiveness Workshop, Long & Foster, March 10, Northern Virginia

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes

To move on in life, oftentimes we must first forgive.  Join us Saturday, March 10, at Long and Foster in Ashburn, Virginia, 10 AM to Noon, for our River of Forgiveness Workshop.  Register here.  Also, see our website for complete details about all our programs.

Details about River of Forgiveness….

But, what does forgiveness really mean? What doesn’t it mean? Why forgive? Who do we forgive…besides ourselves? How do we forgive?

Forgiveness is an important milestone in the lives of many people…in the workplace, in families, in friendships, and even on the roads around DC. It is also a stumbling block. This workshop will address these issues. Participants will take part in several forgiveness exercises.

Keynote speaker:

Regina A. DeMeo, Esq., is a nationally recognized author, lecturer and attorney focused on alternative dispute resolution in family law cases. She has been on Sirius XM as a legal commentator; she is a frequent guest lecturer at Georgetown and GWU Law School; she has appeared on ABC’s Washington Business Tonight and Montgomery County’s tv show Money Matters, and she has been featured in the Washington Post, Bethesda Magazine and various other journals and blogs across the country.

Panelists:

Andrea Anderson, LPC, is currently the President of NVLPC and a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in McLean providing psychotherapy services focusing on individuals, families, and couples. Andrea’s area of expertise includes working with sexual addiction & sex therapy counseling, eating disorders and career counseling. Through her work in designing Purpose-Focused Therapy, she has uniquely integrated professional expertise in interpersonal neurobiology with psychotherapy. Andrea is a dynamic public speaker with teaching and training talent and has spoken for numerous organizations, churches, conferences, and organizations.

Eric Kothari, LCP, has been working in the counseling fields for nearly 10 years. A Licensed Clinical Psychologist, in addition to counseling, Dr. Kothari is also currently Psychologist in Residence, Professor of Psychology, American University and serves as Adjunct Faculty, Department of Psychology, UMUC. Dr. Kothari has developed an acute sensitivity to the remarkable psychological world of children, as well as the intense psychological process that families undergo when a family manages life-threatening illness. He has been featured on New Channel 8 as an expert psychological consultant. Dr. Kothari works extensively with children, adolescents, young adults and their families who have all manner of problems in living.

Disclaimer: River BaNC, River chat and all Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling. You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

Inspirational River Quote – Row!

“When there is no wind…ROW!!”

– Latin Proverb

Gotta love this one. There is more than one path to your dreams…and at some point (or many points) along the way you are going to have to go to Plan B and use some muscle power. Persistence….it works!

Education along the way also works.  Browse our website for information on our programs, from life coaching to separation and divorce workshops to cooking classes.

Change..what’s life without it?

Visit Ever Changing River, LLC for more information on our programs.

“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.”

– Author Unknown

I read this quote yesterday, while I was thinking about the many changes that are occurring in my life.  Last night, I saw a butterfly, and it was beautiful.  Sort of helped me put change, and my fear of change, into perspective.

If you are facing separation or divorce in the DC Metro area, consider attending one of our workshops where you will hear from a family law attorney, a financial adviser and a therapist about the legal, financial and emotional sides of divorce.  We also have real estate, accounting and taxes, health and wellness, coaching and career speakers from time to time.

Our next Ashburn, Virginia is Saturday, October 1, 2011, at Long and Foster (near Red Robin).  Details are at Ashburn, Virginia Separation and Divorce Workshops.

When Dreams Fall to Pieces, There is Hope

Please visit our website for complete details on our separation and divorce programs in Virginia and Maryland.  Details for our next Rockville, MD workshop, September 17, 2011.

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.”
— Flavia Weedn, “Flavia and the Dream Maker, Flavia.com

This quote describes what we often feel when we face the possibility of separation or divorce…like our dream has shattered and the pieces are lying on the floor, in ruins.  But it is not so.  Through support, solid knowledge upon which to base your decisions and lay out your course of action, and time, new dreams emerge.  We have seen this happen time and again.  It may not feel like it right now.  That is okay.  Give yourself time.

If you are facing separation or divorce, please consider attending our next workshop in Rockville, Maryland, on September 17, 2011, at Universities at Shady Grove.  Details here. You will hear from a family law attorney, financial expert and therapist about the legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce.  A divorce coach will also help you put it all together and come up with your next steps, whatever they are for you.

We believe better knowledge leads to better choices.  And this workshop is all about helping you receive better knowledge.  Attending does not mean you will divorce.   Attending means you will have solid knowledge should divorce be in your future.

We wish you well on your journey.

Dreams..Have the Courage to Pursue Them

“All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.”
-Walt Disney

How many people do you think told Walt, “No way, you can never make that happen!”  Thank goodness he did not listen.  The courage he had to pursue his dream allowed me, years later, to enjoy countless fun-filled days at Disney World and Disneyland!

Who is telling you “no way” when you share a dream with someone?  Are you listening?  Think about Walt.

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If you are reading this blog, you or a friend might be facing separation or divorce.  If so, please visit our website for resources and hope.  Our workshops answer the question, How do I get a divorce?  We cover the legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce.  We often address additional subjects, as well, such as real estate, health and wellness, mortgage issues, and life coaching.  You will save time and money by attending, and gain support during a difficult time.  Better knowledge leads to better choices.

Attending does not mean you will divorce.  Attending means you will have strong, solid knowledge should divorce be in your future.

Our next separation and divorce workshop in Virginia is September 10.  Our next separation and divorce workshop in Maryland is September 17th.  Details are at our website.

More Than the Length of It

Dogwood in Springtime...Full of Possibilities

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”  ~ Diane Ackerman

This quote can take your breath away when weighed against all of life’s amazing possibilities. Instead of just “settling” in life, find a way to live the width of it, as well!

You may be reading this blog because you are facing separation or divorce, and your life may be turned upside down.  You may be seeking a way to move beyond where you are now, to get past the pain.

Here’s the best part…ready??? This time of upheaval may be a gift in disguise.There is so much ahead of you.  The dogwood will blossom again next spring, and you can see their beauty from a new and different perspective.  It just might be a better perspective.  Live the width of life, no matter what your circumstances are today.  Live…the…width…of…life.

If you have a hopeful story about divorce you believe can help others, please send it to us at info@EverChangingRiver.com, along with permission to publish it.  We wish you well on your journey down life’s ever changing river.

New Beginning

“Each day starts anew…fresh and full of hope, a new beginning.”
— no idea who said this

I started with a quote that I loved…and as I analyzed it I discovered I really did not like it at all. I changed it to this one. I have no idea by now if it is someone else’s quote or mine!!

Today is a new beginning. Yesterday is gone. Today is here. You can change something in your life today that will make a difference for you. There is something you can do……make a phone call, cross something off your “to do list,” exercise for 5 minutes, spend 15 minutes meditating, whatever. You know what the one thing is for you that will help you create a new beginning, full of hope. Good luck on taking the next step today!

If separation or divorce might be just around the bend for you, consider attending our workshop on Saturday, June 4th in Ashburn, Virginia, near Sterling, VA. You will learn of available divorce resources, as well as receive an overview of the legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce. And you will get an update on the local real estate market.  Details at http://www.everchangingriver.com/Ashburn_VA_Divorce_Workshop.html

What’s Character Got To Do With It?

“Adversity does not build character. Adversity reveals character.”
— Sandy Dahl

No one except you can alter your character. It is yours, and yours alone. As things change in your life, and you make choices, what does it reveal about you and your character? We all have adversity in our lives. We all face change and make choices.

If you are facing separation and divorce, no matter what the courts say, you get to keep your character. You have an opportunity to strengthen your character as you transition from one phase of your life to the next. It can be, frankly, a golden opportunity to model character for your children.

Sandy Dahl was the wife of the 9/11 Pilot Jason Dahl.

We have expanded our life coaching services to include separation and divorce coaching.  Coaching can be done in person or by phone.  Here’s a link that describes this service:  http://www.everchangingriver.com/Divorce_Coach_Services.html