Kids are Not Confidants – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

The following post was submitted by Kathy Teeple, M.A.  Overburdening your children with every detail about your divorce process is not helping them.  Read “Kids are Not Confidants” to learn more about helping children cope with divorce.

Kids Are Not Confidants

By Kathy L. Teeple, M.A.

There’s an old phrase “misery loves company” and it’s true … when you’re miserable you want to share it with others.  I know when I’m feeling down the thing I crave the most is someone with whom I can whine and complain … I want someone to take my side, pat my hand and agree that things are awful.   And when my whining is justified it makes things better.

When you separate you are given the biggest ticket out there to unlimited whining, and it’s justified.  You can gather your friends and they will all agree that life is not fair, you deserve better, and, yes, your spouse is the biggest jerk in the world.  Friends are great when going through a separation and a divorce.  They lift your spirits, they give you encouragement, and they listen without judgment.  But your friends have their own lives and they are not always available at a moment’s notice.  Plus, as your separation drags on you simply don’t want to constantly call your friends and burden them with your misery.  So you turn to the next best thing … your children.  Oh, this is a bad idea on so many levels, but it is a common occurrence.

Kids are an easy target for complaints during separation and divorce.  They’re easily accessible and they’re often a captive audience.  Sometimes complaining to them happens quite by accident.  You are overwhelmed by the circumstances and you lash out.  Perhaps you’ve just spoken to your estranged spouse and need somewhere to unload your anger or frustration.  It’s so easy to turn to your child and say “Your mom/dad is such a jerk.  S/He’s refusing …”

Sometimes a parent will use the misguided idea of “truth” to justify his/her confidences to a child.  I’ve worked with parents who tell me that they have never lied to their child and won’t begin now.  While that’s a noble idea, it isn’t a necessarily a great idea in separation.  It is too easy to confide too much in a child and overwhelm them.  Additionally, the “truth” you are telling is based on your perception of the situation.  Your spouse has another perception entirely.  If both of you are confiding your perceptions of the “truth” the children can easily become confused.

While some parents confide in their children on an occasional/accidental basis, others do it in a calculated manner that is designed to sway the children to their “side.”  This is a dangerous practice.  Children view both parents as a source of security.  If one parent is constantly berating or degrading the other parent that undermines the child’s sense of security.  In the short term a child may side with one parent over the other, but over time the child may begin to resent the parent’s berating of the other parent.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce

Information can be a good thing, but children may feel overburdened with too much information about your separation and divorce.  Children naturally worry when their parents separate. If you are using your child as your sounding board you are adding to their worry.  Children need to know the basics about separation and divorce; they need to know they are loved and that while things may be different, they will be okay.  Children don’t need to know every detail of your separation.  They don’t need to know your every concern, and they certainly don’t need to know your fears for the future.

It is natural to want to share your pain and fears with others, but choose carefully.  Children don’t need to know the specifics of your separation; they don’t need to know “where the bodies are hidden.”  They need to know that they a loved by both parents.

Ever Changing River, LLC educates individuals about the divorce process through online videos.  Currently offering limited-time introductory pricing at a 73% savings.  Read more at Why Join River BaNCTM.  

DISCLAIMER:  The information provided on Ever Changing River, LLC website, or at any Ever Changing River, LLC program, is not legal, financial, medical, therapeutic, counseling, mediation, coaching, real estate or mortgage advice.  No attorney/client, doctor/patient, or other relationship is formed through this website or through Ever Changing River, LLC programs.  Ever Changing River, LLC is not a referral service.  Any advertisement on this website, or at any Ever Changing River, LLC program, or in any Ever Changing River, LLC publication, does not in any way constitute a referral or endorsement by Ever Changing River, LLC. 

 

 

Graduation Day Tips for Divorcing and Divorced Parents and Their New Families

The big day is just around the corner!  The keys right now are tolerance, patience, civility…and most importantly, honoring your child.

 

When you first brought your son or daughter home, you and your spouse plus any siblings formed their nuclear family. While your family structure may have changed due to divorce, remarriage, or any number of reasons, from your child’s perspective the nuclear family structure remains the same. Graduation can be a wonderful time to honor that structure in the eyes of your son or daughter. Here are some tips to help you all through the big day….and enjoy every moment of it!

 

• BEHAVIOR: Be civil, be tolerant, get along. Forget about any personal issues between you, your former spouse, extended family members, etc. This day, especially, is all about your child!!
• TAKE PICTURES: Take pictures of your nuclear family! Yes, it is okay. In fact, it is wonderful!
• TAKE MORE PICTURES: Take pictures of extended family, too! Yes, it is okay. In fact, it is wonderful! (see the pattern here????!!!)
• HONOR: Honor your new family tree. Yes, your family tree may have new branches, may have expanded or contracted, and that is okay. In all ways, for your child’s sake, honor today’s family tree, just as you honor the family tree that existed when your child was born.
• OLD HABITS – NOT!: If some old habit of your former spouse always puts you in a tizzy, decide that today you are immune to it. And by the way, this one is a two-way street! Read this one again. Today, let it go.
• LOVE: Your child has a right to love both parents. Make this easier for them, not harder.

On a practical note, remember that cameras are everywhere today! That little moment you think you are hiding may be caught forever on digital film. So, if you are thinking of doing something you might not be proud of later…don’t. Children deserve to be loved unconditionally by their parents. That’s true even if your former spouse and their new family are present.

 

This is a happy event, one you have worked your life to help your child achieve. Enjoy the day! Don’t waste a moment looking backwards. Look to the wonderful future your child has prepared for and that you will be a part of. You will be glad you did.

Contributing authors (in alphabetical order):
Ever Changing River, LLC – Ever Changing River, LLC
Nina Flowers, LPC – Counseling Solutions, Inc.
Rona B. Hitlin-Mason, LPC – Rona B. Hitlin-Mason, LPC

Ever Changing Rive, LLC is a Separation and Divorce resource in the DC Metro area.  We provide educational resources and workshops to help individuals and families when their ever changing river of life takes an unexpected turn.  Visit our website for complete details.

Nov 19, Montgomery County, MD Divorce Workshop Answers the question: How do I get a divorce in Maryland? Learn some tips to help enjoy the holidays during stressful times

Ever Changing River’s next Rockville, MD separation and divorce workshop is November 19th, 2011, at Universities at Shady Grove, Building 1, Room 104, 9630 Gudelsky Drive, Rockville, MD 20850. Visit our Website for complete information. Register here.

NOTE:  In November, we are also covering the tax aspects of divorce.  See details below.
River BaNC ™ is a divorce resource workshop, an informational Basic Navigational Course, through the complexities of how to get a divorce in Maryland. You will meet local divorce experts, including a family law attorney, a financial adviser, a therapist and a CPA, and learn practical information about how to become unmarried. By attending you gain empowering knowledge and support. Attending can save you time and money as you begin to consider your next steps.

Who should attend? If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce, and are in the Maryland or DC, you should attend this workshop to learn the basic legal, financial, tax and emotional aspects of separation and divorce. We will share additional separation and divorce informational resources throughout the workshop.

Attending does not mean you will divorce. Attending means you will have solid, practical knowledge should you need it in the future.

When/Where: Saturday, November 19, 2011, 8:15 AM to 1:15 PM, at Universities at Shady Grove, Building 1, Room 104, 9630 Gudelsky Drive, Rockville, MD, 20850. Pre-registration preferred. $30/pre-registered; $40/door; $15/returning. Register here.
If you would like to attend with a friend, please do. Your friend can attend with you at no charge; please email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know they will be attending with you. Also, scholarships are available. Email us to discuss.
Additional information at www.EverChangingRiver.com.

                                          SPEAKERS for NOVEMBER 19, 2011
Legal Aspects:  Regina A. DeMeo, Esquire, is a Montgomery County family law attorney who is nationally recognized as an author and lecturer on family law issues.  She was recently published by Aspatore’s Inside the Mind Series (2011), featured in Bethesda Magazine as one of the Top 25 Divorce Lawyers (2010), listed as a Rising Star by MD Superlawyers (2009-2012) , and recognized by the Washington Post, the ABA Journal and ABC’s Washington Bus. Tonight for her Collaborative efforts (June-July 2010).   Regina helps couples respectfully address their issues related to divorce, custody, support and property division in the District of Columbia and Montgomery County, Maryland.  Regina will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, disposition of property, and custody and support guidelines. 

Financial Aspects:  Michael C. Mattison, ChFEBC,a registered representative since 1996, is an advisory associate with Centaurus Financial, Inc.  Mike has trained more than 2,000 financial professionals across the country.  A nationally recognized public speaker on financial planning, Mike maintains the designation of Chartered Federal Employee Benefits Consultant.  Mike will talk about the financial aspects of divorce, including financial considerations of asset division, retirement planning, budgets, debt and insurance.  See Mike’s online bio at www.CentaurusFinancial.net (check computer volume; music will play).

Tax Aspects Mike Mandish, CPA, CSEP, is a Principal in the SC&H Financial Advisors practice of SC&H Group.  He was selected as a SmartCPA in 2010 by SmartCEO Magazine, and has over 20 years of experience.  As a former paralegal, Mike consults with attorneys on the tax and financial implications of various property settlement agreement scenarios.  Mike will give a general overview about the tax aspects of divorce.     

Emotional Aspects:   Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, a licensed psychologist with offices in Silver Spring, MD and Washington, DC, will talk about the emotional aspects of divorce. 


DisclaimerRiver BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

 

Sat, Nov 5, 2011 Northern Virginia (Ashburn) Workshop Answers the Question: How Do I Get A Divorce in Virginia? Including Tips for Surviving the Holidays.

Link to Workshop website. As the Holidays approach, our upcoming workshops will include tips for surviving the Holidays while you are in the midst of separation and divorce.  We are here to give you solid knowledge and support during this difficult time.  You are not alone.

Our next Northern Virginia Separation and Divorce workshop, “River BaNC ™ (Basic Navigational Course)”, is Saturday, Nov 5, in Ashburn. If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce in Northern Virginia (Arlington, Fairfax, Loudoun, Prince William and surrounding counties), please consider attending this workshop. We cover the basic legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce, plus give you a current update on the real estate market in our area. This month we also have a life coaching segment. Better knowledge leads to better choices, for you and your family. Complete details at Ever Changing River, LLC website.

Our presenters are Patricia E. Tichenor, Esq., family law attorney; Pamela J. Sams, CRPC, financial advisor; Kathy Teeple, MA, parenting coach; Pamela Jones, ABR, with Long & Foster, and Life Coaching segment by Ever Changing River, LLC. Speakers are hyperlinked below.

When: Saturday, Nov 5, 8:30 AM to 1:15 PM
Where: Long & Foster, 43490 Yukon Drive, Suite 205, Ashburn, VA 20147

OUR SPEAKERS: November 5, 2011

Legal Aspects: Patricia E. Tichenor, Esq., owner and principal attorney of The Law Office of Patricia E. Tichenor, P.L.L.C., is an experienced domestic relations and general law attorney serving clients in Northern Virginia since October 2001. Ms. Tichenor is dedicated to helping clients move forward with their lives, fighting to protect their rights with respect to custody, visitation, child support, and spousal support. If an amicable settlement can be reached, Ms. Tichenor works to make the divorce process as simple, affordable and quick as possible. Ms. Tichenor will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, equitable property distribution, and custody and support guidelines.

Financial Aspects: Pamela J. Sams, CRPC, is a Financial Advisor with Financial Planning Services in Northern Virginia. For 10 years, she has been helping women and their families improve their personal and financial wealth through good financial planning. Her education and training enables her to help clients successfully navigate through the myriad of personal and financial decisions they face during their lives. She assists them in attaining a higher level of financial security through education, understanding and scenario planning. Pamela will talk about creating budgets for two households, valuing and dividing assets, the scenario approach, and retirement issues.

Emotional Aspects: Kathy Teeple, MA, with Pathways Parenting & Coaching, LLC, is passionate about children. Parenting issues can arise at any time during separation and even long after the final decree of divorce has been entered. For the past 10 years she has worked with parents in all stages of separation and divorce through Divorce Mediation Plus, Inc., in Leesburg, VA. Kathy has assisted parents in negotiation of a parenting agreement that is acceptable to everyone and emphasizing ways to improve and strengthen the on-going parenting relationship. With Master’s Degrees in both Counseling and Forensic Psychology, Kathy is a frequent guest lecturer on the topics of mediation, emotional issues of divorce, and the affect of divorce on children. Kathy will talk about the emotional stages of divorce and give you parenting tips to help your family during and following divorce.

Life Coach Aspects: Ever Changing River, LLC, will help you explore your core values and create your “next steps” action plan. These steps will be different for each person…from “let me continue to think about this all” to “here are my top 3 items I will complete by next Friday.” It is important to find the approach that is best for you, not someone else.

Real Estate Aspects: Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in1983. Her dedication to her clients made her the #1 agent in Loudoun County in 2006. Pam has excellent business sense, detailed knowledge of the local market, and outstanding negotiating skills. Pam will give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.

Disclaimer: River BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling. You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

Oct 15, Montgomery County, MD Divorce Workshop Answers the question: How do I get a divorce in Maryland?

Ever Changing River’s next Rockville, MD separation and divorce workshop is October 15, 2011 at Universities at Shady Grove, Building 1, Room 104, 9630 Gudelsky Drive, Rockville, MD 20850. Visit our Website for complete information. Register here.

 
River BaNC ™ is a divorce resource workshop, an informational Basic Navigational Course, through the complexities of how to get a divorce in Maryland. You will meet local divorce experts, including a family law attorney, a financial adviser and a therapist, and learn practical information about how to become unmarried. By attending you gain empowering knowledge and support. Attending can save you time and money as you begin to consider your next steps.

Who should attend? If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce, and are in the Maryland, as well as in the DC or Northern Virginia area, you should attend this workshop to learn the basic legal, financial and emotional aspects of separation and divorce. You will also receive information about creating a plan for your next steps…from “continue to think about this” to “these are my top 3 steps to complete by next Friday.” We will share additional separation and divorce informational resources throughout the workshop.

Attending does not mean you will divorce. Attending means you will have solid, practical knowledge should you need it in the future.

When/Where: Saturday, October 15, 2011, 8:15 AM to 1:15 PM, at Universities at Shady Grove, Building 1, Room 104, 9630 Gudelsky Drive, Rockville, MD, 20850. Pre-registration preferred. $30/pre-registered; $40/door; $15/returning. Register here.
If you would like to attend with a friend, please do. Your friend can attend with you at no charge; please email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know they will be attending with you. Also, scholarships are available. Email us to discuss.
Additional information at www.EverChangingRiver.com.

SPEAKERS for OCTOBER 15, 2011

Legal Aspects:   Steven J. Gaba, Esq.  is a Montgomery County family law attorney with over 20 years of experience.  Steve understands the emotional and financial struggles associated with family law matters.  Divorce is often stressful and can create a hostile atmosphere, preventing individuals from obtaining suitable outcomes. He devotes substantial time to listening to his clients’ concerns, fears and goals.  Steve will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, disposition of property, and custody and support guidelines. 


Financial Aspects:   Michael C. Mattison, ChFEBC, a registered representative since 1996, is an advisory associate with Centaurus Financial, Inc. Mike has trained more than 2,000 financial professionals across the country. A nationally recognized public speaker on financial planning, Mike maintains the designation of Chartered Federal Employee Benefits Consultant. Mike will talk about the financial aspects of divorce, including financial considerations of asset division, retirement planning, budgets, debt and insurance. See Mike’s online bio at www.CentaurusFinancial.net (check computer volume; music will play).

Emotional Aspects:  Marsha B. Stein, LCSW-C, Therapist, is a relationship and divorce therapist who feels that a crisis can be a time of courageous opportunity to mobilize for successful results. With 30 years of experience as a therapist, Marsha is also a Certified Trainer and former adjunct professor at Catholic university. Ms. Stein has offices in Bethesda, Maryland. Marsha will talk about the emotional stages of divorce and coping strategies.

Life Coaching Aspects:  Ever Changing River, LLC will share two coaching exercises to help you become more clear about your personal next steps. These steps will be different for each participant, and may range from “think about it all” to calling to set up appointments with professionals who can help you. There is no right or wrong…there is only what makes sense for you personally.

Disclaimer:  River BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling. You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

Family Law Attorney Elizabeth M. Ross, Esquire, to Speak Saturday, Oct 1, in Ashburn, VA, on How do I get a divorce in Virginia? Separation and Divorce Workshop

In addition to Linda Black, ChFC, CRPC, who will cover the financial side of things, and Rona Hitlin-Mason, LPC, who will cover the emotional aspects, you will hear from Elizabeth M. Ross, Esquire, of Lieblich and Graimes, P.C., on the legal aspects of divorce. Pam Jones of Long and Foster will also give you an update on the local real estate market.

Here is Elizabeth’s bio:

Legal Aspects: Elizabeth M. Ross, Esq, of Lieblich & Grimes, P.C.  Ms. Ross was selected to Virginia Rising Stars in both 2011 and 2010 by Super Lawyers.  She is trained in collaborative law.  She practices all areas of family law, including divorce, equitable distribution, settlement  agreements, custody, support and post-divorce issues.  She also serves as a Guardian ad litem representing children in custody and abuse and neglect cases.  She practices in the Circuit Courts and Juvenile and Domestic Relations Courts of Loudoun, Alexandria, Fairfax, Prince William, Arlington & other jurisdictions.  Elizabeth will cover the basic legal aspects of divorce in Virginia, including how to obtain a divorce in Virginia, child and spousal support guidelines, and equitable property distribution.

Follow this link for more details about this valuable separation and divorce workshop on October 1, 2011, held in Ashburn, VA from 8:30 AM until 1:15 PM. You will save time and money by attending and gaining strong knowledge about the separation and divorce process as you navigate your way through it all. This workshop is attended by individuals throughout Northern Virginia. Long and Foster is easy to find, and parking is free. Studies show that having support as you go through this process adds to your success. Therefore, we are now offering to have a friend attend with you at no cost. Just email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know a friend will attend with you.

_________________________________

River BaNCTM is an informational workshop, a Basic Navigational Course, through the complexities of how to get a divorce in Virginia.  You will meet local divorce experts and learn practical information about how to become unmarried.  By attending you gain empowering knowledge and support.  Attending can save you time and money as you begin to consider your next steps.

Who should attend? If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce, and are in the DC, Maryland or Northern Virginia area, you should attend this workshop to learn the basic legal, financial and emotional aspects of separation and divorce. You will also receive information about creating a plan for your next steps…from “continue to think about this” to “these are my top 3 steps to complete by next Friday.”  As always, you will receive an update on the current, and ever changing, real estate market.  We will share additional separation and divorce informational resources throughout the workshop.

Attending does not mean you will divorce.  Attending means you will have solid, practical knowledge should you need it in the future.

When: Saturday, October 1, 2011, 8:15 AM to 1:15 PM, at Long & Foster, 43490 Yukon Drive, Suite 205, Ashburn, VA, 20147. Pre-registration preferred. $30/pre-registered; $40/door; $15/returning.  Register here.

If you would like to attend with a friend, please do.  Your friend can attend with you at no charge; please email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know they will be attending with you.  Also, scholarships are available.  Email us to discuss.

Additional information at www.EverChangingRiver.com.

OUR SPEAKERS: October 1, 2011


Legal Aspects: Elizabeth M. Ross, Esq,
of Lieblich & Grimes, P.C.  Ms. Ross was selected to Virginia Rising Stars in both 2011 and 2010 by Super Lawyers.  She is trained in collaborative law.  She practices all areas of family law, including divorce, equitable distribution, settlement  agreements, custody, support and post-divorce issues.  She also serves as a Guardian ad litem representing children in custody and abuse and neglect cases.  She practices in the Circuit Courts and Juvenile and Domestic Relations Courts of Loudoun, Alexandria, Fairfax, Prince William, Arlington & other jurisdictions.  Elizabeth will cover the basic legal aspects of divorce in Virginia, including how to obtain a divorce in Virginia, child and spousal support guidelines, and equitable property distribution.

Financial Aspects: Linda Black, ChFC, CRPC, has worked in the financial services industry for over 12 years.  She has earned her Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC) and Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC) designations.  Her practice is focused on financial planning and retirement income solutions for women.  Linda helps her clients make financial decisions based on where they want to go next.  She fully subscribed to a transformational approach to financial planning as opposed to a transactional one.  Linda is licensed in Virginia and Maryland.

Emotional Aspects: Rona Hitlin-Mason, LPC, also holds Masters degrees in Counseling and Development and Accounting, and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She strongly believes that you have the strength and skills to weather this transition in  your life, and she finds it an honor to accompany people on their journey to self-acceptance and relief of symptoms.  Rona will give you an emotional roadmap, talking about the emotional stages of divorce and how best to manage yourself during this journey.  Her talk is entitled:  Right Now It’s Normal to feel “Crazy”!!

Life Coach Aspects: Ever Changing River, LLC, will help you explore your core values and create an action plan of your next steps.  These steps will be different for each person…from “let me continue to think about this all” to “here are my top 3 items I will complete by next Friday.”  It is important to find the approach that is best for you, not someone else.

Real Estate Aspects: Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long  and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in1983.  Her dedication to her clients made her the #1 agent in Loudoun County in 2006.  Pam has excellent business sense, detailed knowledge of the local market, and outstanding negotiating skills.  Pam will give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.

Disclaimer: River BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

How Do I Get A Divorce in Virginia? Oct 1, 2011 Northern Virginia Workshop Provides Answers

Featured Speaker October 1, 2011:  Linda Black, ChFC, CRPC.  In addition to a family law attorney and a therapist, you will hear from Linda Black about the financial aspects of divorce.  Linda has worked in the financial services industry for over 12 years and has earned her Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC) and Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC) designations.  While Linda works with both men and women, her practice is focused on financial planning and retirement income solutions for women.  Linda helps her clients make financial decisions based on where they want to go next.  She fully subscribes to a transformational approach to financial planning as opposed to a transactional one.  Linda is licensed in Virginia and Maryland.

Also, Linda will be teaching Money Talk:  A Financial Guide for Women, which is now being offered through the Loudoun County Public Schools adult education program.  To register online, please go to www.lcps.org/adulted

Read below for more details about this valuable separation and divorce workshop on October 1, 2011, held in Ashburn, VA from 8:30 AM until 1:15 PM.  You will save time and money by attending and gaining strong knowledge about the separation and divorce process as you navigate your way through it all.  This workshop is attended by individuals throughout Northern Virginia.  Long and Foster is easy to find, and parking is free.  Studies show that having support as you go through this process adds to your success.  Therefore, we are now offering to have a friend attend with you at no cost.  Just email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know a friend will attend with you.

___________________________

River BaNCTM is an informational workshop, a Basic Navigational Course, through the complexities of how to get a divorce in Virginia.  You will meet local divorce experts and learn practical information about how to become unmarried.  By attending you gain empowering knowledge and support.  Attending can save you time and money as you begin to consider your next steps.

Who should attend? If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce, and are in the DC, Maryland or Northern Virginia area, you should attend this workshop to learn the basic legal, financial and emotional aspects of separation and divorce. You will also receive information about creating a plan for your next steps…from “continue to think about this” to “these are my top 3 steps to complete by next Friday.”  As always, you will receive an update on the current, and ever changing, real estate market.  We will share additional separation and divorce informational resources throughout the workshop.

Attending does not mean you will divorce.  Attending means you will have solid, practical knowledge should you need it in the future.

When: Saturday, October 1, 2011, 8:15 AM to 1:15 PM, at Long & Foster, 43490 Yukon Drive, Suite 205, Ashburn, VA, 20147. Pre-registration preferred. $30/pre-registered; $40/door; $15/returning.  Register here.

If you would like to attend with a friend, please do.  Your friend can attend with you at no charge; please email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know they will be attending with you.  Also, scholarships are available.  Email us to discuss.

Additional information at www.EverChangingRiver.com.

OUR SPEAKERS: October 1, 2011


Legal Aspects: Elizabeth M. Ross, Esq,
of Lieblich & Grimes, P.C.  Ms. Ross was selected to Virginia Rising Stars in both 2011 and 2010 by Super Lawyers.  She is trained in collaborative law.  She practices all areas of family law, including divorce, equitable distribution, settlement  agreements, custody, support and post-divorce issues.  She also serves as a Guardian ad litem representing children in custody and abuse and neglect cases.  She practices in the Circuit Courts and Juvenile and Domestic Relations Courts of Loudoun, Alexandria, Fairfax, Prince William, Arlington & other jurisdictions.

Financial Aspects: Linda Black, ChFC, CRPC, has worked in the financial services industry for over 12 years.  She has earned her Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC) and Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC) designations.  Her practice is focused on financial planning and retirement income solutions for women.  Linda helps her clients make financial decisions based on where they want to go next.  She fully subscribed to a transformational approach to financial planning as opposed to a transactional one.  Linda is licensed in Virginia and Maryland.

Emotional Aspects: Rona Hitlin-Mason, LPC, also holds Masters degrees in Counseling and Development and Accounting, and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She strongly believes that you have the strength and skills to weather this transition in  your life, and she finds it an honor to accompany people on their journey to self-acceptance and relief of symptoms.  Rona will give you an emotional roadmap, talking about the emotional stages of divorce and how best to manage yourself during this journey.  Her talk is entitled:  Right Now It’s Normal to feel “Crazy”!!

 

Life Coach Aspects: Ever Changing River, LLC, will help you explore your core values and create an action plan of your next steps.  These steps will be different for each person…from “let me continue to think about this all” to “here are my top 3 items I will complete by next Friday.”  It is important to find the approach that is best for you, not someone else.

Real Estate Aspects: Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long  and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in1983.  Her dedication to her clients made her the #1 agent in Loudoun County in 2006.  Pam has excellent business sense, detailed knowledge of the local market, and outstanding negotiating skills.  Pam will give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.

 

Disclaimer: River BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

 

 

How Do I Get a Divorce in Maryland? Workshop in Rockville, MD on Sept 17, 2011 Offers Divorce Information and Resources

River BaNC (TM) is an informational workshop, a Basic Navigational Course, through the complexities of how to get a divorce in Maryland. You will meet local divorce experts and learn practical information about how to become unmarried. By attending you gain empowering knowledge and support. Attending can save you time and money as you begin to consider your next steps.

Who should attend? If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce, and are in the DC, Maryland or Northern Virginia area, you should attend this workshop to learn the basic legal, financial and emotional aspects of separation and divorce.  A life coach will share strategies to help you come up with a game plan for your next steps.  As always, we will share additional separation and divorce informational resources throughout the workshop.

Attending does not mean you will divorce. Attending means you will have solid, practical knowledge should you need it in the future.

When: Saturday, September 17, 2011, 8:15 AM to 1:15 PM, Universities at Shady Grove, Building 1, Room 104, 9630 Gudelsky Drive, Rockville, MD, 20850. 

Pre-registration preferred. $30/pre-registered; $40/door; $15/returning. Register here.
If you would like to attend with a friend, please do. Your friend can attend with you at no charge; please email info@EverChangingRiver.com to let us know they will be attending with you. Also, scholarships are available. Email us to discuss. Additional information at www.EverChangingRiver.com.

                                                     OUR SPEAKERS: September 17, 2011

Legal Aspects:  Shelly Maynard Ingram, Esq.,  is an associate with Meiselman and Helfant, LLC, in Rockville, MD.  The firm’s attorneys are experienced Maryland divorce and family lawyers, representing husbands and wives, mother and fathers, and they serve as neutral mediators and court-appointed settlement mediators/facilitators.  They bring a wide range of experience to each client’s unique situation.  Ms. Ingram joined the firm in 2006, and her practice includes mediation as well as litigation.  She will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, disposition of property, and custody and support guidelines.

Financial Aspects:  Michael C. Mattison, ChFEBC, a registered representative since 1996, is an advisory associate with Centaurus Financial, Inc.  Mike has trained more than 2,000 financial professionals across the country.  A nationally recognized public speaker on financial planning, Mike maintains the designation of Chartered Federal Employee Benefits Consultant.  Mike will talk about the financial aspects of divorce, including financial considerations of asset division, retirement planning, budgets, debt and insurance.  See Mike’s online bio at www.CentaurusFinancial.net (check computer volume; music will play).

Emotional Aspects:  Dr. Barbara Kaufman, Licensed Psychologist,    is a relationship specialist who has worked for many years supporting and guiding individuals, couples and families through the divorce process.  Dr. Kaufman helps her clients create a new path forward toward fulfilling possibilities.  She also works as a divorce coach in collaborative practice.  She has offices in both Rockville and Ellicott City, MD.  Dr. Kaufman will help you better understand marital breakup, define the stages of divorce, give you suggestions for coping with it all, and also offer parenting tips. 

Life Coaching Aspects:  Ever Changing River, LLC will share two coaching exercises to help you become clear about your personal next steps.  These steps will be different for each participant, and may range from “think about it all” to calling to set up appointments with professionals who can help you.  There is no right or wrong…there is only what makes sense for you personally.    

DisclaimerRiver BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.   

 

Saturday, August 6, Separation and Divorce Information and Resource Workshop, Ashburn, Northern Virginia

River BaNCTM is an informational workshop, a Basic Navigational Course, through the complexities of divorce.  You will meet local divorce experts and learn practical information about how to become unmarried.  By attending you gain empowering knowledge and support.  Attending can save you time and money as you begin to consider your next steps.

Who should attend? If you or a friend are facing separation or divorce, and are in the DC, Maryland or Northern Virginia area, you should attend this workshop to learn the basic legal, financial and emotional aspects of separation and divorce. You will also receive information about natural remedies to combat stress, and receive updates on the current real estate market. As always, we will share additional separation and divorce informational resources throughout the workshop.

Attending does not mean you will divorce.  Attending means you will have solid, practical knowledge should you need it in the future.

When: Saturday, August 6, 2011, 8:15 AM to 1:15 PM, at Long & Foster, 43490 Yukon Drive, Suite 205, Ashburn, VA, 20147. Pre-registration preferred. $30/pre-registered; $40/door; $15/returning. Scholarships available (info below). Additional information at www.EverChangingRiver.com.

Legal Aspects: Cheryl K. Graham, Esq., founder of The Law Offices of Cheryl K. Graham, PLLC, is an experienced domestic relations and family law attorney practicing in Northern Virginia.  Her practice includes all aspects of family matters.  Ms. Graham was recently listed as one of the Top Divorce Lawyers by the Washingtonian Magazine, and listed as one of the Ten Leaders of Greater Washington, DC (Age 45 &  Under) Matrimonial & Divorce Attorneys.  Ms. Graham has a particular interest in assisting her clients in settling their marital disputes through efficient and effective negotiations.  Accordingly, she serves as a mediator and works with Collaborative Divorce as well as serving as an experienced trial attorney.  Cheryl will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, equitable property distribution, and custody and support guidelines.

Financial Aspects: Barry M. Weissman, CDFATM (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst), of Barry M. Weissman & Associates has over 25 years experience guiding clients through the financial aspects of life-changing events, including divorce.  Mr. Weissman is trained as a professional Family and Divorce Mediator.  Barry will discuss the financial aspects of divorce, including the creation of financial statements and budgets.  He will also discuss how to value and disentangle your financial assets and debt.  Barry will discuss the concept of financial scenarios or hypotheticals, used as a tool to identify your several choices.  He will explain how these scenarios can assist you in making the best financial decisions given your individual situation and needs.

Emotional Aspects: Rona Hitlin-Mason, LPC, also holds Masters degrees in Counseling and Development and Accounting, and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She strongly believes that you have the strength and skills to weather this transition in your life, and she finds it an honor to accompany people on their journey to self-acceptance and relief of symptoms.  Rona will give you an emotional roadmap, talking about the emotional stages of divorce and how best to manage yourself during this journey.  Her talk is entitled:  Right Now It’s Normal to feel “Crazy”!

Health and Wellness Aspects: Patricia Slusher, ND, CN, M.Ed., with Wellness Pathways Holistic Health, is a Doctor of Naturopathy, Licensed Certified Nutritionist.  Pat will talk about general nutrition and specific natural herbal and homeopathic remedies to assist “emotionally stressed out people” facing possible separation or divorce.  She feels this is a great alternative to reaching for SSRI’s and other pharmaceuticals with their side effects.

Real Estate Aspects: Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long  and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in1983.  Her dedication to her clients made her the #1 agent in Loudoun County in 2006.  Pam has excellent business sense, detailed knowledge of the local market, and outstanding negotiating skills.  Pam will give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.

Click to Register. Or simply go to www.EverChangingRiver.Eventbrite.com.

Scholarships are available. We believe no one should be prevented from obtaining knowledge and support during this difficult time. E-mail us at info@EverChangingRiver.com with your scholarship request.  We are here to help.

Disclaimer: River BaNC and River Chat programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage, and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

Parenting Through Divorce, Part 2 of 3. Divorce Workshop, July 23, 2011, Rockville, MD

Note:  If separation or divorce might be in your future, consider attending one of our workshops.  Hear from legal and financial professionals about the law and your money, and let the therapists help you deal with your emotions.  Depending upon location, you will also hear from real estate, mortgage or health and wellness experts.

Our next separation and divorce workshops are July 23, 2011 in Rockville, MD (Montgomery County) and August 6, 2011 in Ashburn, VA (Loudoun County).   Info at
Ever Changing River, LLC

Enjoy our continued Parenting through Divorce series.

Parenting Through Divorce, Part 2 of 3
by Nina K. Flowers, LPC

(This is Part 2 of a Three-Part Series, Parenting Through Separation or Divorce)

“Please don’t try to make your children choose between you or your spouse.  Children who take sides in the battles between their parents invariably regret it.  It may come in their teens or young adulthood, but the child almost always endures agonies of guilt.  Often the child turns bitterly against the parent that allowed this to happen.  Placing a child in the middle, and trying to make him or her feel guilt for being fair, decent, or affectionate toward the other parent, seriously damages the child’s psychological well-being and character.  It’s a cruel way to take advantage of one’s own child.

Do your best not to upset the child’s routine any more then you have to.  Children need a sense of continuity.  If you have to move, try hard to stay in the same school district so they have fewer losses.  Separated parents who may be giving the same children mixed messages about rules of behavior should communicate frankly and directly with each other on disciplinary issues in order to provide consistent rules and limits for the children.

As you well know, dissolution of a marriage often leads to financial pressures on both parents.  When there is a financial crisis, the parents’ first impulse may be to keep the children from realizing it.  Often, they would rather make sacrifices themselves than ask the children to do so.  The atmosphere is healthier when there is frankness and when children are expected to help.  Blaming the opposing party for this may be hard to resist, but it will probably land you back in court.  This is hard on the children.”

References:

  • Children and Divorce; Family Law Section of the Virginia State Bar
  • Co-Parenting, Two Parents – Two Homes; Family Services and Involvement Section, Fairfax County Public Schools.
  • Helping Children Cope with Separation and Divorce; American Mental Health Counselors Association.

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We thank Nina K. Flowers, LPC, of Counseling Solutions, Inc., for sending us the above blog post. Nina has presented at some of our Separation and Divorce workshops, and also participates in our “Your Experts” online paid directory.

Nina K. Flowers, LPC – “Your Expert” Profile

Community Support: As a “for-a-difference” company with socially responsible values, Ever Changing River, LLC will donate a portion of all “Your Experts” listing proceeds to local 501(c)(3) charities that in some manner educate and support individuals as they navigate the separation and divorce process.  Ever Changing River, LLC thanks all companies who list their services on our website, as their actions make this charitable donation possible.