Fear, uncertainty and discomfort…three partners in divorce. Instead, try coping with divorce and triumphing!

“Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.”

Author Unknown

Individuals facing separation and divorce often have terrible, painful bouts of fear, uncertainty and discomfort.  It feels awful.  It is only afterwards, as time has passed and you are able to gain a fresh perspective on your journey, that you realize the unexpected gift life has given you, the gift of personal growth and joy.

Coping with Divorce and Triumphing!

I have had the pleasure of seeing this in action many times at our River Chat™ divorce support group.  We will often have people drop in at the beginning of the divorce process, when their feelings are raw, their longing for things to be better palpable, their deep unhappiness evident.  The group helps by listening and offering suggestions where appropriate…but mostly listening.  Just listening.  It feels wonderful for us to be heard!  It can be our first step toward recovery.

One memorable incident was when a young man who was originally in this raw state returned to the group after being absent for a number of months.  He was completely changed, a wonderful example of coping with divorce and triumphing.  He had been seeing a therapist and working on himself, not his partner.  In the end, the only person we can change is ourselves and our perspective, our choices.

He shared that for months he kept thinking it would just take a moment for his partner to change her mind and come back to the marriage.  In the end, he realized it only took him a moment to change his perspective and realize he would be 100% okay whether she came back or not.  If she did, fine.  If she did not, also fine.  The change in this young man was remarkable!  He was excited about life and full of joy again.  And this is the part I love — by sharing his new perspective he was able to help our other members of our group who were still in that raw, painful state.

Am I saying everyone will change overnight and be instantly happy again?  No.  I am saying that this period of fear, uncertainty and discomfort in our lives brought about by separation and divorce can also serve a life-altering purpose.  It can be a time of introspection where you can work on your own personal short-comings.  Sorry if you’re not ready to hear this:  I don’t even know you, but I do know you are not perfect and you have short-comings.  You are human.

I believe as we continue to have the privilege of walking this earth we are meant to always strive to become better human beings.  It is difficult.  The reward can be electrifying.  It was electrifying for this young man.  He now faces his future with a better sense of self, less fear and a healthy excitement about life’s uncertainty.  Yes, life will always have uncertainties.  And that can be sooooooo thrilling, instead of bone-crunchingly terrifying.

Life can be exciting, fulfilling and hopeful if you do the work within yourself.

Tip for today:  If you are facing separation or divorce, find a therapist, life coach or divorce coach to help you navigate this portion of your ever changing river of life.  You will know you are successful when you can once again hear your river clap its hands in delight!!  Dappled sunshine can be part of your life again!

Ever Changing River, LLC is an online divorce process educational resource.  Your future matters.  Our professional divorce directory introduces you to divorce attorneys, CDFAs, mediators, financial advisors and other professionals.  Our River BaNC™ subscription membership offers you instant access to divorce educational videos to help you better understand the divorce process.  Knowledge equals better choices.  You are not alone.  Visit our website and browse our resources.

How do I get a divorce in Virginia? Jan 15, learn the legal aspects from a family law attorney in Ashburn, VA

Registration Link to Focus on Law, Jan 15, 2013

If you are facing separation or divorce in Virginia, join us Tuesday, January 15th, in Ashburn, VA to learn about the legal aspects of divorce from family law attorney Robert C. Eustice, Esq., who practices family law in Virginia, Maryland and the District of Columbia.

Link to complete details.

When:    Tuesday, Jan 15, Focus on Law

                Legal Aspects of Separation and Divorce in Virginia

                Plus an update on the real estate market

                6:30 to 8:00 PM

Where:  Ashburn Long and Foster Realtors Training Room

43490 Yukon Drive, Suite # 205

Ashburn, VA   20147

Cost:     $15/pre-registered; $20/door (or free for members*)

Registration Link to Focus on Law, Jan 15, 2013

 

Tues, Nov 20th, Focus on LAW, 6:30-8 PM, Ashburn, VA

Visit our website for more information on all of our programs. 

Link to pre-register.

Gain knowledge and support. Be proactive and protect your future.

Save time and money by attending multiple Focus Groups. Speak with the professionals.

Typically each month Ever Changing River, LLC presents three Focus Groups – one each concentrating on the emotional, financial and legal aspects of separation and divorce. You do not need to go through this process alone. And if it is overwhelming for you right now, consider asking a friend to attend with you. Let us know ahead of time, and your friend can attend with you at no cost.

When: Tuesday, Nov 20, Focus on Law

Legal Aspects of Separation and Divorce in Virginia

Plus an update on the real estate market

6:30 to 8:00 PM

Where: Ashburn Long and Foster Realtors Training Room

43490 Yukon Drive, Suite # 205

Ashburn, VA 20147

Cost: $15/pre-registered; $20/door (or free for members*)

LEGAL ASPECTS:

Christine Mougin-Boal, Esquire, an attorney practicing family law, will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, equitable property distribution, and custody and support guidelines.

REAL ESTATE ASPECTS:

Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, of Pamela Jones, Inc., Long and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in 1983. Pam wil give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about. She will answer your real estate questions.

* Focus Groups Membership Package: $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period. Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge. We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.

Disclaimer: Focus Groups, River Chat, River BaNC and all other Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling. You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

What others are saying:

“I learned so much. I feel better about my situation, knowing that I am not alone.”

“I will absolutely recommend this program.”

“Empowering!”

“What a great workshop format for individuals who are trying to educate themselves on the various aspects of separating and/or divorce. The environment was awesome, and a really great selection of presenters.”

Edison didn’t give up….and don’t you, either!

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas A. Edison

This is one of my favorite quotes. We all see it repeated, in hindsight, over and over. Not today!! Not for you! Don’t give up!

If you need help through separation and divorce, please visit our website. We offer education and support throughout the process.

We are also life coaches…and yes, sometimes divorce coaches. We have a course starting in January 2013 — Hope and a 5 Year Plan. If you feel something is missing in your life, and would like to explore the tremendous opportunities ahead of you in a group setting, please email us at info@everchangingriver.com for details about our five-week series. You can change your life…if you don’t give up!

Focus on Money – Sat, Nov 17th, 9-10:30 AM, Your Guide to Achieving Financial Goals Ever Changing River, LLC, Leesburg, VA

Visit our website for more information on all of our programs.

Gain knowledge and support.  Be proactive and protect your future.

Save time and money by attending multiple Focus Groups.  Speak with the professionals.

Typically each month Ever Changing River, LLC presents three Focus Groups – one each concentrating on the emotional, financial and legal aspects of separation and divorce.  You do not need to go through this process alone.  And if it is overwhelming for you right now, consider asking a friend to attend with you.  They can attend at no cost.   Simply have them register as “guest.”

When:    Saturday, Nov 17, Focus on Money

                Your Guide to Achieving Financial Goals

                Module:  Financial Aspects of Separation and Divorce

                9:00 to 10:30 AM

Where:  Offices of Linda Black, ChFC, CRPC

202 Church Street

Leesburg, VA   20175

Cost: $15/pre-registered; $20/door (and free for Focus Group members of Ever Changing River, LLC*).  Scholarships available.

Registration Link (on Eventbrite)

Linda J. Black, ChFC, CRPC, in this module will be your guide as you learn to set financial goals, which is fundamental to your financial planning process whether you are a new professional, a mid-life or retiring professional, or if you are considering separation or divorce. Setting your financial goals puts you in charge of your money and your life.
This process does not need to be complicated, tedious or long, but it is a great gauging tool to ensure you are on the right track.  In this seminar you will learn how to determine feasibility, prioritize multiple goals, and discuss methods to accomplish your goals within reasonable time frames.

Linda will also address other financial questions you may have as time permits.
Linda J. Black is a Financial Advisor with LifeMark Securities Corp.  She has worked in the financial services industry for over 12 years and has earned her Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC) and Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC) designations.  Her practice is focused on financial planning and retirement income solutions for women.  Linda helps her clients make financial decisions based on where they want to go next.  She fully subscribes to a transformational approach to financial planning as opposed to a transactional one.  Linda is licensed in Virginia and Maryland.


* Focus Groups Membership Package:  $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period.  Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge.  We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.  

 

Disclaimer Focus Groups, River Chat, River BaNC and all other Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only.  They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling.  You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

 

What others are saying:

“I learned so much.  I feel better about my situation, knowing that I am not alone.”

I will absolutely recommend this program.”

“Empowering!”

“What a great workshop format for individuals who are trying to educate themselves on the various aspects of separating and/or divorce.  The environment was awesome, and a really great selection of presenters.”

Focus on LAW, a Separation and Divorce Workshop, Law and Real Estate, Wed., Oct 24, 6:30-8PM, Ashburn, VA

FOCUS ON LAW: Wednesday, OCTOBER 24, 6:30-8 PM
How do I get a divorce? Legal aspects to consider.
Long & Foster
43490 Yukon Drive, Room 205
Ashburn, VA 20147
Cost: $15 (or free for members*)

Link to register:  Focus on LAW                 Link to register:  All Focus Groups

Do you have questions about the legal aspects of divorce, including how to get a divorce, the legal process, distribution of property, custody and support guidelines? If so, join us. Ryan Schmalzle, Esq., family law attorney, will lead this session. Pam Jones of Long and Foster will also give an overview of the real estate market, which is constantly changing.

Focus on Legal: Ryan M. Schmalzle, Esquire, with Whitbeck & Cisneros, P.C., is an experienced family law attorney who regularly practices in Northern Virginia. His firm follows the philosophy that while it is always preferable to resolve family law matters outside the courtroom, attorneys must always be prepared to aggressively litigate family matters in court if a client’s particular needs call for such services.

Mr. Schmalzle will give an overview of the legal aspects of divorce, including the separation and divorce process, equitable property distribution, and custody and support guidelines.

Real estate is a part of the Focus on Legal session. Here are the details:

Real Estate: Pamela Jones, ABR, CRB, GRI, Pamela Jones, Inc., Long and Foster Realtors, is a career REALTOR® who began working with buyers and sellers in1983. Her dedication to her clients makes her a top Loudoun County agent. Pam has excellent business sense, detailed knowledge of the local market, and outstanding negotiating skills. Pam will give an update of the local real estate market, which differs vastly from the “national” picture we so often hear about.

* Focus Groups Membership Package: $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period. Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge. We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.

Link to Purchase Membership Package (link expires Oct 31, 2012)

Or, simply click the membership category when you register online. Email info@EverChangingRiver.com with questions.

Separation and Divorce Support Group, Oct 23, Ashburn, VA, 6-7:30 PM

FOCUS ON ME – Tuesday, OCTOBER 23, 6-7:30 PM
Facilitated Separation & Divorce Support Group, Open Topic
Long & Foster
43490 Yukon Drive, Room 205
Ashburn, VA 20147
Cost: $15 if pre-registered; $25 at the door  (or free for members*)

Link to Register for Focus on ME         Link to all Focus Group Registrations

Facilitated by Nina Flowers, LPC, this support group is open topic format. You do not need to go through a tough time alone. Join us for a facilitated support group…bring your challenges, doubts and concerns, and let’s tackle them together.

Nina K. Flowers, LPC, MEd., of Counseling Solutions, Inc., provides psychotherapy services for adults, adolescents and children through individual, family and couples counseling. She has a particular expertise in counseling those who are coping with their own or a family member’s abuse, mood or anxiety disorders, relationship or self-esteem concerns, ADD/ADHD and other disorders. Her primary theoretical orientations are Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Play Therapy.

Nina will facilitate this open topic general support group session.

* Focus Groups Membership Package: $60.00 for six months, which lets you attend attend all “Focus” groups at no additional charge (a $210 savings) within your membership period. Attend as many times as you wish during your membership period to gain support and knowledge. We will generally offer three Focus groups each month, one each focusing on the legal, money or “me” aspects of separation and divorce.

Link to Purchase Membership Package (link expires Oct 31, 2012)

Or, simply click the membership category when you register online. Email info@EverChangingRiver.com with questions.

Questions about Life and Health Insurance when Divorce Occurs

If separation or divorce might be in your future, you need to educate yourself about life and health insurance coverage.  It’s probably not news to you that many divorcing families are concerned about health insurance coverage after divorce, but did you also know that life insurance can sometimes be used to help secure child support and alimony/spousal support payments??

Jeff Landers recently published “Three of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Health Insurance, Life Insurance and Social Security After Divorce” at Forbes.com.  Reading his article can start you on your educational journey surrounding health and life insurance.  This article also talks about Social Security benefits, which we have covered here before in River Currents.   Read Jeff’s complete article.

The growing trend of Senior Divorces

A recent Morningstar.com article is yet another in a lengthening list of stories being published about a growing trend….more and more Americans divorcing in their senior years.  Dubbed the Grey Divorce or the Silver Divorce, the trend is the same — later-in-life divorces around retirement age.   However, the financial picture is often not as rosy as it at first appears.

The article is written by Helen Modly and Tommie Monez.  Here is an excerpt:

“Many couples have held their marriage together for the benefit of their children, and once they are out of the house, the couples are ready to call it quits. Others realize that their vision of retirement is drastically different–she wants to stay in the community to spend time with the children and grandchildren, while he wants to move to Florida and spend every day on the golf course.”

“The initiator of the divorce, who is just as likely to be the wife as the husband, may anticipate a feeling of freedom and independence from being on his or her own. Women especially may create a new self-identity where they can finally focus on their own needs without having to constantly compromise with another person. This change in attitude, along with the possible addition of a new partner/spouse, can totally change the dynamics in a family, and can come with a very high financial cost.”  Read the complete article here.

Thanks to Pamela Sams, CRPC, MBA, for bringing this article to our attention.   Ever Changing River, LLC, offers monthly workshops and coffee chats to educate individuals about the divorce process.  We also offer divorce coaching.  Please visit our website for complete service offerings.