Fear, uncertainty and discomfort…three partners in divorce. Instead, try coping with divorce and triumphing!

“Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.”

Author Unknown

Individuals facing separation and divorce often have terrible, painful bouts of fear, uncertainty and discomfort.  It feels awful.  It is only afterwards, as time has passed and you are able to gain a fresh perspective on your journey, that you realize the unexpected gift life has given you, the gift of personal growth and joy.

Coping with Divorce and Triumphing!

I have had the pleasure of seeing this in action many times at our River Chat™ divorce support group.  We will often have people drop in at the beginning of the divorce process, when their feelings are raw, their longing for things to be better palpable, their deep unhappiness evident.  The group helps by listening and offering suggestions where appropriate…but mostly listening.  Just listening.  It feels wonderful for us to be heard!  It can be our first step toward recovery.

One memorable incident was when a young man who was originally in this raw state returned to the group after being absent for a number of months.  He was completely changed, a wonderful example of coping with divorce and triumphing.  He had been seeing a therapist and working on himself, not his partner.  In the end, the only person we can change is ourselves and our perspective, our choices.

He shared that for months he kept thinking it would just take a moment for his partner to change her mind and come back to the marriage.  In the end, he realized it only took him a moment to change his perspective and realize he would be 100% okay whether she came back or not.  If she did, fine.  If she did not, also fine.  The change in this young man was remarkable!  He was excited about life and full of joy again.  And this is the part I love — by sharing his new perspective he was able to help our other members of our group who were still in that raw, painful state.

Am I saying everyone will change overnight and be instantly happy again?  No.  I am saying that this period of fear, uncertainty and discomfort in our lives brought about by separation and divorce can also serve a life-altering purpose.  It can be a time of introspection where you can work on your own personal short-comings.  Sorry if you’re not ready to hear this:  I don’t even know you, but I do know you are not perfect and you have short-comings.  You are human.

I believe as we continue to have the privilege of walking this earth we are meant to always strive to become better human beings.  It is difficult.  The reward can be electrifying.  It was electrifying for this young man.  He now faces his future with a better sense of self, less fear and a healthy excitement about life’s uncertainty.  Yes, life will always have uncertainties.  And that can be sooooooo thrilling, instead of bone-crunchingly terrifying.

Life can be exciting, fulfilling and hopeful if you do the work within yourself.

Tip for today:  If you are facing separation or divorce, find a therapist, life coach or divorce coach to help you navigate this portion of your ever changing river of life.  You will know you are successful when you can once again hear your river clap its hands in delight!!  Dappled sunshine can be part of your life again!

Ever Changing River, LLC is an online divorce process educational resource.  Your future matters.  Our professional divorce directory introduces you to divorce attorneys, CDFAs, mediators, financial advisors and other professionals.  Our River BaNC™ subscription membership offers you instant access to divorce educational videos to help you better understand the divorce process.  Knowledge equals better choices.  You are not alone.  Visit our website and browse our resources.

Edison didn’t give up….and don’t you, either!

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas A. Edison

This is one of my favorite quotes. We all see it repeated, in hindsight, over and over. Not today!! Not for you! Don’t give up!

If you need help through separation and divorce, please visit our website. We offer education and support throughout the process.

We are also life coaches…and yes, sometimes divorce coaches. We have a course starting in January 2013 — Hope and a 5 Year Plan. If you feel something is missing in your life, and would like to explore the tremendous opportunities ahead of you in a group setting, please email us at info@everchangingriver.com for details about our five-week series. You can change your life…if you don’t give up!

Forgiveness Workshop, Long & Foster, March 10, Northern Virginia

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes

To move on in life, oftentimes we must first forgive.  Join us Saturday, March 10, at Long and Foster in Ashburn, Virginia, 10 AM to Noon, for our River of Forgiveness Workshop.  Register here.  Also, see our website for complete details about all our programs.

Details about River of Forgiveness….

But, what does forgiveness really mean? What doesn’t it mean? Why forgive? Who do we forgive…besides ourselves? How do we forgive?

Forgiveness is an important milestone in the lives of many people…in the workplace, in families, in friendships, and even on the roads around DC. It is also a stumbling block. This workshop will address these issues. Participants will take part in several forgiveness exercises.

Keynote speaker:

Regina A. DeMeo, Esq., is a nationally recognized author, lecturer and attorney focused on alternative dispute resolution in family law cases. She has been on Sirius XM as a legal commentator; she is a frequent guest lecturer at Georgetown and GWU Law School; she has appeared on ABC’s Washington Business Tonight and Montgomery County’s tv show Money Matters, and she has been featured in the Washington Post, Bethesda Magazine and various other journals and blogs across the country.

Panelists:

Andrea Anderson, LPC, is currently the President of NVLPC and a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in McLean providing psychotherapy services focusing on individuals, families, and couples. Andrea’s area of expertise includes working with sexual addiction & sex therapy counseling, eating disorders and career counseling. Through her work in designing Purpose-Focused Therapy, she has uniquely integrated professional expertise in interpersonal neurobiology with psychotherapy. Andrea is a dynamic public speaker with teaching and training talent and has spoken for numerous organizations, churches, conferences, and organizations.

Eric Kothari, LCP, has been working in the counseling fields for nearly 10 years. A Licensed Clinical Psychologist, in addition to counseling, Dr. Kothari is also currently Psychologist in Residence, Professor of Psychology, American University and serves as Adjunct Faculty, Department of Psychology, UMUC. Dr. Kothari has developed an acute sensitivity to the remarkable psychological world of children, as well as the intense psychological process that families undergo when a family manages life-threatening illness. He has been featured on New Channel 8 as an expert psychological consultant. Dr. Kothari works extensively with children, adolescents, young adults and their families who have all manner of problems in living.

Disclaimer: River BaNC, River chat and all Ever Changing River, LLC programs are intended for informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal, financial, emotional, real estate or mortgage advice or counseling. You should seek the advice of qualified legal, financial, psychological, real estate, mortgage and any other necessary professionals regarding your own individual situation outside of any Ever Changing River, LLC program.

You hold the key

For more information on all our programs, visit Ever Changing River, LLC.

“Whatever challenge is in front of you, know that you hold the key in your hand.”  – Ever Changing River, LLC

I truly believe we are never presented challenges in life without also being presented solutions. I believe that ultimately we hold the key, the solution, within ourselves. We simply need to know where to look for resources, guidance, support and/or assistance, to help us discover our key. I also truly believe we were not meant to handle it all alone.

There are many, many paths to explore…..from friends to kick around an idea with to books to read to websites to gain encouragement and education to workshops to gain education and support to therapy groups to help us tackle larger challenges. But you need to take the first step.

If your challenge is possible separation or divorce, please consider joining us for one of our workshops, River BaNC, a basic navigational course through the complexities of divorce in Northern Virginia or Maryland.  Save time and money by hearing from and asking questions of a family law attorney, a financial advisor and a therapist.  Gain education and support.  Knowledge equal power.

The Strength to Weather Divorce

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us”  — Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you are facing separation or divorce, you probably feel like you do not have the strength to get through it….but, you do. Write down Emerson’s quote and carry it with you. Look at it when you need to remind yourself that yes, you do have the strength to get through this rough stretch of your personal ever changing river of life. You can come out on the other end of these rough waters, and after healing, find that the sun is shining and the world has righted itself.

If you are facing separation or divorce in Virginia or Maryland, consider attending one of our workshops on how to get a divorce. We have family law attorneys, therapists and financial experts at every workshop.  Or visit our website.  We also offer life and divorce coaching.  Better knowledge leads to better choices for you and your family.

Dreams..Have the Courage to Pursue Them

“All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.”
-Walt Disney

How many people do you think told Walt, “No way, you can never make that happen!”  Thank goodness he did not listen.  The courage he had to pursue his dream allowed me, years later, to enjoy countless fun-filled days at Disney World and Disneyland!

Who is telling you “no way” when you share a dream with someone?  Are you listening?  Think about Walt.

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If you are reading this blog, you or a friend might be facing separation or divorce.  If so, please visit our website for resources and hope.  Our workshops answer the question, How do I get a divorce?  We cover the legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce.  We often address additional subjects, as well, such as real estate, health and wellness, mortgage issues, and life coaching.  You will save time and money by attending, and gain support during a difficult time.  Better knowledge leads to better choices.

Attending does not mean you will divorce.  Attending means you will have strong, solid knowledge should divorce be in your future.

Our next separation and divorce workshop in Virginia is September 10.  Our next separation and divorce workshop in Maryland is September 17th.  Details are at our website.

More Than the Length of It

Dogwood in Springtime...Full of Possibilities

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”  ~ Diane Ackerman

This quote can take your breath away when weighed against all of life’s amazing possibilities. Instead of just “settling” in life, find a way to live the width of it, as well!

You may be reading this blog because you are facing separation or divorce, and your life may be turned upside down.  You may be seeking a way to move beyond where you are now, to get past the pain.

Here’s the best part…ready??? This time of upheaval may be a gift in disguise.There is so much ahead of you.  The dogwood will blossom again next spring, and you can see their beauty from a new and different perspective.  It just might be a better perspective.  Live the width of life, no matter what your circumstances are today.  Live…the…width…of…life.

If you have a hopeful story about divorce you believe can help others, please send it to us at info@EverChangingRiver.com, along with permission to publish it.  We wish you well on your journey down life’s ever changing river.

What do Fear and Joy have in Common?

“Fear itself does not exist in the world. There are only fearful thoughts and avoidance behaviors.”

– Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, from Pulling Your Own Strings

Fear is not a “thing” — it is a state of mind! And YOU can change your state of mind.

That is what went through my mind when I read this passage by Dr. Dyer. It was like a light bulb went off. I have read a lot of articles on fear (I’m a coach!!). Who knows, I may have even read something similar to this passage before. It doesn’t matter! What does matter is how you perceive the above passage right now, today. Can you use this idea to help you through something you are facing today, or this week, or this month, or this year? I hope so.

Fear does not exist as a tangible thing. It is a state of mind.

It follows that joy does not exist as a tangible thing. It is a state of mind.

Which state of mind do you want??? That’s what I thought!  There you go!

Sunrise to Moonrise

Winter Sunrise from Freefoto.com

May every sunrise hold more promise, every moonrise hold more peace – Anonymous

Twenty-four hours…it happens over and over again.  The challenge, and the beauty, is what we do with those twenty-four hours.  May this day hold both promise and peace for you…and may you have the wisdom to see them as they pass by.

Thanks to everyone who suggested I post pictures!  This winning sunrise picture comes from www.freefoto.com.  There are many more beautiful pics there!  Thanks, freefoto.com, for making them available to bloggers!